wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
