Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
