That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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