I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
