I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
