I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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