I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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