the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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