I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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