you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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