Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
