mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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