pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
