Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
