Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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