FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
