You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
