when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
