Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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