I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
