Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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