Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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