Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Life is so much better after having sex.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
