your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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