this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
