I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
