Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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