I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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