Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
