I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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