when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
