broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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