I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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