who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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