pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
