one two three fourrrrnication!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
