You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I would ride that face into the sunset
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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