I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
