There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
