so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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