ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
