help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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