you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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