she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
