your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So vagazzling was a success
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
