Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
