If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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