Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
