i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
