Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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