Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
