Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
