I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
