listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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