She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
