Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
