you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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