Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
