Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
