John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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