Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
