The maid of honor just puked.
You work out of a Hotel?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
