I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
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Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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