Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
