Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
