You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
