Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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