just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize