They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
