It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
