Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize