Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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