I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
