I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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