Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
