Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
