tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
